


when headlong might save a life

by Em_Jaye



Series: The Long Way Around [21]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Darcy Lewis Feels, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Resolved Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Feels, Time Travel, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 03:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21154934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_Jaye/pseuds/Em_Jaye
Summary: Woody Allen once said, 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." With that in mind, Darcy had to wonder if there was anyone who could make God laugh quite like Steve Rogers.August 1973: Project Tahoe





	when headlong might save a life

**Author's Note:**

> Is this a few days early? Yes! Surprise! Happy Shieldshock Anniversary to me! Five years ago I stumbled upon this pairing and fell head over heels in love. The fics, the writers, the community, the readers, the friendships, the art, the gifs, the headcanons...omg, you guys are amazing and I love you all so much. Thank you for being my safe space over the last five years and giving me a home on the internet when I didn't feel like I had one anywhere else. My cup truly runneth over. 
> 
> Now. Onto the fic disclaimer:  
I'm going to be real, beebs, I'm a little nervous to post this. It's the first thing I ever wrote for this universe, which means I've been living with it the longest. Which means I've looked at it WAY too much and have found something new to feel uncertain about each time I've read it. That's not to say it isn't likely still riddled with errors and typos.
> 
> Also, fun fact: didn't realize that writing THIS SLOW of a burn would make the inevitable payoff feel like I was under pressure to sexually satisfy, not only Steve and Darcy, but also the 40+ people I've dragged along on this ride with me. So...know that your author worked really hard to get everyone off in this chapter. Not just the main characters. Bon appetit? 
> 
> Title is pulled from Mary Oliver's poem "Felicity" 
> 
> _There are moments that cry out to be fulfilled._  
_Like, telling someone you love them._  
_Or giving your money away, all of it._
> 
> _Your heart is beating, isn't it?_  
You're not in chains, are you?
> 
> __  
_There is nothing more pathetic than caution_  
when headlong might save a life,  
even, possibly, your own.

_Friday  
August 24, 1973_

Darcy willed her hands to stay steady as she reached into her bag and retrieved her stack of letters. “Okay,” she said, flipping through them for the hundredth time. “If you don’t hear from us—or, I guess once Tim checks in?” The letters were addressed and labeled _June & Ray, Tina, Tangie, Linda, Alice. _There was one for the landlord with the rent for September, one for the administrator and volunteer coordinator at the hospital, and one for the Skyline school board. “Just um,” she handed them over to Janet. “Just drop these in the mail.”

Janet offered a brief smile and nodded as she took the letters and put them in her work bag. “Of course,” she promised, looking from Darcy to Steve, leaning against the worktable. “Don’t worry about that.”

Darcy nodded and took another look around Janet’s borrowed lab in Berkeley. She felt a soft smile play on her lips, remembering the first time she’d been there. How she’d covered the chalkboard with her ramblings, how she’d poured every ounce of hope she had into Janet solving all their problems. Her eyes fell back to Janet and she let out a soft laugh. “I’m gonna miss you,” she admitted as her vision swam unexpectedly.

To her surprise, Janet reached out and folded her long, slim arms around Darcy in a hug. “Don’t miss me,” she said before she let her go. She held her at arms’ length and smiled. “Look me up when you get home, yeah? Let me know you’re okay.”

She willed her eyes not to well again when she caught the way Steve’s lips pressed into a firm, straight line. They couldn’t tell her that would be impossible—that she wouldn’t be there for Darcy to call when she got back. She nodded instead. “Yeah, I will,” she lied before she sniffled and wiped at her face. “Thank you for everything, Janet. I can’t—” her voice caught in her throat again. “Just, thank you.”

Janet’s blue eyes sparkled for a moment before she blinked. “Don’t thank me,” she laughed softly before she looked over her shoulder to include Steve. “You guys changed my life,” she reminded. “You’re the first people who thought I could be more than a secretary.”

Darcy’s smile broadened and became genuine as Steve stood to hug their friend. “Well, I have it on good authority that we won’t be the last,” he said. “Just do me a favor and don’t let anyone take the credit for this, okay?”

She was smiling again when he let her go. “I won’t,” she said and swiped at the corners of her eyes. “You be careful where you’re going—I don’t know what the world looks like but…” she shrugged. “Take care of yourselves.”

Darcy hugged Janet one more time before they had to leave. As they made their way out of the Steve dropped an easy arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side in a brief hug. “You okay?” he asked before he pushed the door and held it open for her to go ahead.

She nodded. “I’m fine,” she lied. “I just didn’t…” she paused and fidgeted with the tassel on her purse.

“Didn’t think we’d be here long enough to miss anything?” Steve finished for her.

She looked up and smiled sadly. “Yeah.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

It was a quiet drive back to the apartment.

_Saturday  
August 25, 1973_

The nurse at Lake Tahoe was eyeing him as he swung his legs back and forth on the edge of the exam table. She glanced from his nervous fidgeting to the watch on her wrist before she crossed the room and took the thermometer from his mouth. She studied the mercury with a squint and scribbled a note on the chart in her hand. “98.6,” she commented before she looked up again. “Right on target,” she shook her head. “Just like everything else. You’re exceptionally healthy, Mr. Grant.”

Steve offered a polite smile. “I’ve heard that.”

She turned away and set the clipboard on the counter. She rummaged through the drawer before she turned back with a syringe. “Do you have a preference?”

He blinked. “For…?”

She smiled. “Which arm?” she pointed with the needle. “Right or left?”

“Oh,” he straightened. “I uh. I didn’t realize you’d be taking blood.”

Her smile became more of a smirk. “What? Big tough guy like you afraid of a needle?” When he didn’t answer, she soaked a cotton ball in peroxide. “It’s just a precaution,” she said kindly. “Dr. Struthers just likes to screen his subjects before and after the procedure.”

“Right,” Steve nodded, trying to put a specific name to the twist in his gut. Trying to remember when the last time a stranger had taken his blood—someone who didn’t know about the serum. “Of course.” He offered the inside of his left arm. “Go for it.”

She took two vials of his blood, reminded him not to eat or drink after 10pm, and declared him good to go.

There was a group of other subjects clumped in a line for their physicals across the hall after he’d buttoned up his shirt and left the small office. Darcy caught his eye and waved.

Steve smiled back and laughed when she motioned down at herself, dressed like the others in thick chartreuse socks and hospital gown. He offered her a thumbs up and pointed to the waiting room where they’d been told to head after their vitals had all been collected.

Darcy dropped down into the seat beside him half an hour later as he was finishing up a Newsweek article on the latest Watergate developments. “These other cats are getting so screwed on this deal,” she said, tucking her hair behind her ears.

Steve frowned and set the magazine aside. “How so?”

“So, they’re paid subjects, right?” she asked, keeping her voice low as a small batch of their fellow research subjects filed into the room. “They’re only getting twenty dollars each trial. Can you believe that?”

He felt his frown lines deepen. “I mean…it is voluntary,” he reminded. “And I didn’t get paid anything when I let science experiment on me.”

Darcy narrowed her eyes. “You got paid in muscles and perfect health for the rest of your life.”

He smirked. “Fair enough.”

She sighed and changed the subject. “I’m good to go if you are.”

“Go where? Aren’t we staying here?”

“Didn’t Tim tell you?” she asked, her head cocked to one side and continued when he didn’t answer. “They don’t have lodging here,” she motioned to the facility where they’d spent most of the day being poked and prodded in between completing basic cognitive tests. “Tim said there’s one motel where they usually house everyone, but it’s all booked up.”

“Great,” he muttered as he pushed his hair back.

“No, but it’s okay, there’s actually another place—a motor inn that one of the lab assistants said is a little nicer and closer than the other place. They just don’t use it because it’s more expensive.”

Steve nodded. “Sounds good.” He got to his feet.

“We should get dinner first,” she suggested, a moment after his eyes caught the clock. It was almost seven o’clock. “I’m starving and they’re not going to let us eat anything tomorrow.”

It was a good idea, and Steve knew he should have had more of an appetite for the food that was set in front of him at the diner where they stopped for dinner. He ate without tasting anything, trying not to think too hard about how quiet Darcy was being.

The motel Tim suggested was less than a mile from the facility, set farther back from the road. Just a small place with ten rooms in a row and a sign that boasted direct-dial phones and air conditioners in each room.

“I need a double room, please,” Darcy said politely at the front desk.

The young woman on the other side of the counter winced. “Oh jeez,” she said, and Steve almost laughed out loud in anticipation of what she was about to say. “We only have a king room left.”

Darcy snorted loudly and clapped a hand to her mouth. “Are you serious?” she asked.

Confused, the clerk nodded. “Yeah,” she said slowly. “I’m sorry.”

Darcy looked back over her shoulder at him with a familiar spark in her eye. “Had to happen eventually,” she said.

Steve grinned. “We _were _leaning into some steep odds.”

The clerk looked between them, still uncertain. “So do you…want the room?”

“What the hell,” Darcy said after he’d shrugged his acceptance. “Sure, that’ll be fine.”

They dropped their bags at the foot of the lone, king-sized bed in Room 10 a few minutes later and Darcy dissolved into giggles. “I can’t believe this,” she said as she dropped down onto the squeaky mattress. “Our _last _cheap motel together! And they only had one bed.”

Steve felt better hearing her laugh like that. It felt like it had been too long since she hadn’t seemed so preoccupied, hadn’t been carrying around a little lingering sadness. He shook his head and leaned against the dresser. “I know you paid for dinner,” he said with a smile. “But don’t think that means I’m putting out.”

“Ha!” Darcy barked out the word, chased with another loud laugh. “I should say the same to you.”

It was Steve’s turn to snort. “I think I can behave myself,” he assured her.

“Oh sure,” she said, getting back to her feet and hauling her bag up onto the bed so she could rummage for her toothbrush. “Don’t think I didn’t catch you checking me out earlier.”

Steve laughed and crossed the room again while she ducked into the bathroom. “You caught me,” he called over the sound of running water. “It was those electric green slipper socks.”

He heard her brush and then spit out her toothpaste before she popped her head back around the doorway. “I almost slipped them into my bag.”

Steve waited until she’d rinsed out her mouth and turned off the bathroom light. “I don’t know why you didn’t,” he said, dropping back to lay down on the comforter. “They’re so alluring.” She cackled, urging him to go on. “Although, it’s probably for the best. That would have made this arrangement that much harder.”

Darcy flopped down beside him and together they stared at the beige popcorn ceiling until she broke the silence. “How many bodily fluids do you think we’re laying on right now?”

He snickered. “Well, this place can’t be more than a decade old so…” he tilted his head to one side, not taking his eyes off the ceiling. “I’d say somewhere in the low three-to-four thousands?”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” she said lightly before another silence lapped over them. “Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you really think this is going to work?”

He glanced to his right and found her still staring upward. “Janet seemed pretty confident,” he said evenly. “I don’t have any reason to doubt her.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

He exhaled and looked back at the ceiling. “Yeah,” he said finally. “I think it will.”

Darcy lifted her arm and examined her watch. “So, this time tomorrow, I should be Googling to my heart’s content.”

The corner of his lips twitched into a half-smile. “Is that really the first thing you’re going to do?”

She shook her head. “No. I’ll probably go straight to my parents’ place. Call Jane. Let her know where I am and what happened.”

“You think she’ll believe you?”

“That I spent three years in the seventies with you by accident?” she smiled. “No. I don’t think anyone’s going to believe me. I should probably come up with a cover story so they don’t cart me off to the state hospital.” He opened his mouth to tell her she was probably right, but she spoke again before he could say anything. “You’re not going to forget this, are you?”

“Forget this?”

“This,” she still wasn’t looking at him, but she motioned to the space between them. “The last three years. Everything we…” she stopped herself and pressed her lips together. “When you’re back with your friends, I mean.”

He smiled softly. “I couldn’t forget this if I tried.”

“Tell me something you’d always remember,” she insisted. “Even if you _did _try to forget.”

He thought for a moment before he smile widened. “How you accidentally got us invited to swingers party and then had a panic attack thinking you were going to have to participate.” He didn’t have to be looking at her to know that she’d wrinkled her nose when she giggled. “What’s something you couldn’t forget?” he asked.

Darcy hummed in thought for only a second before she laughed again. “You calling Creedence Clearwater Revival heavy metal.”

He chuckled and tried to remember what had made him so angry that day. He knew the reasons—he was tired, he was stressed, he thought he wanted to be with someone else—but he couldn’t imagine any of those things being enough to make him yell at Darcy now the way he had that day.

“This is a moot point though,” she mused. “Because it’s not like we’re not still going to be friends once you get back to 2023.”

Steve closed his eyes and bit back what he’d been wanting to say for weeks. _Don’t wait for me,_ he wanted to tell her. _Don’t waste any more of your life on my account, _he could have said. _Ten years is longer than you think. _

But he swallowed those words down. Because the truth—the selfish, selfish truth—was that he didn’t _want _to say those things. He _did _want her to wait for him. He wanted to arrive in 2023 and see her there, waiting to throw her arms around him and pick up where they’d left off.

He opened his eyes when he felt her gaze slide over to him, an indication that he’d let the silence go on just a little too long. “Right,” he said. “Of course we are.”

She smiled when he glanced her way. It was another smile that didn’t reach her eyes. It was gone too soon. “Wanna watch a stupid gameshow in black and white?” she asked. “Just so we can really appreciate how good we have it once we get back.”

“Sure.”

She got up to cross the room to the small box television on the dresser and everything he could have said faded with the first crackle of static.

_Sunday  
August 26, 1973_

The other shoe dropped just before sunrise, around five in the morning. With how his stomach had been twisted and the way the trepidation had been building without focus, Steve was almost relieved. At least he knew he could still trust his gut he told himself.

Cold comfort, but it was something.

He hadn’t slept well. Not like Darcy, who had nodded off halfway through Carson and hadn’t fought him when he’d slipped her sandals off her feet and slid her beneath the covers. The minute he’d climbed in beside her, she’d thrown an arm around his stomach and used him like a pillow.

She was a pleasant weight against him for most of the night, though her soft and familiar snoring made falling asleep even more difficult. He’d done his best not to move too much; despite his own discomfort, he didn’t want to wake her. But by the time the light outside the window had started to brighten, the silvery gray sky that preceded a purple and orange sunrise, Steve could no longer lay still.

Darcy didn’t protest when he untangled their legs and extracted himself from her arms. He replaced his body with a pillow and watched in amusement as she curled herself around that instead without missing a beat. He stepped outside the hotel room and stretched his arms overhead with a groan. He pressed his hands against the railing and let his head drop, rolling out the knots in his back and shoulders.

The sound of tires on gravel drew his attention upward. A car was pulling slowly into the parking lot. A familiar car, he realized with a now too-familiar sinking feeling. Tim’s car.

He watched as Tim parked and stayed behind the wheel, seemingly waiting for something before he noticed Steve and sat up straighter, looking surprised. Cautiously, Steve raised a hand and waited while Tim got out of the car and approached.

He looked…not great, Steve decided. Like he hadn’t slept at all, judging by the circles beneath his eyes. And like he’d been working most of the night, if the rumpled clothes he’d had on the day before and the tobacco and ink stains on his fingers were any indication. He ran a hand through his thick, dark hair and shoved his glasses up straighter on his nose before he reached the sidewalk. “Hey, Steve,” he said quietly.

He nodded. “Hey Tim. What’s going on?”

“Uh…” Tim fidgeted again. “I um. I’m sorry I’m here so early. I’m surprised you’re even awake.”

“I don’t sleep much,” he admitted. “And you don’t look like you’re here with good news,” he assessed. “Is it about me or Darcy?”

“You,” Tim shuffled his feet, unaware that he’d given Steve the answer he was hoping for. “It’s um—” he coughed. “It’s about your bloodwork.”

Steve sighed and let his head drop again. “I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

Tim looked genuinely sorry as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I don’t…um. I don’t know how much you know about the man who built the machine we’ve been using. Doug Clarence?”

“Almost nothing.”

“The reason he…” another cough. “The reason it killed him—it was determined after the fact—was…Well, the way the machine works is that it transports the subject on…on a molecular level and if there’s anything—well—_wrong _with the subject…molecularly…”

“Wrong?” Steve repeated.

“Different,” Tim clarified and looked up again to meet Steve’s eyes. “Everything I’ve seen seems to indicate that the elements used to power the machine counteracted fatally due to the presence of the um…” he swallowed. “The X-gene.”

Realization dawned on him and he felt himself nodding. “You’re saying he was a mutant?”

Tim nodded. “Yes.”

“And you’re worried that the same thing could happen again…because there’s something…different about my blood.” He watched him carefully, remembering the way Charlie had been so careful to point out that he needed to find a new job. His instance on Steve going somewhere no one would ask any questions. Remembering also what he’d read about the way mutants had been hunted by the government all through the twentieth century, about how many of them still lived underground in the future, afraid to be themselves for fear of being locked away for study.

"I didn't...um. Officially confirming the presence of the gene itself would take weeks and the kind of genetic testing and equipment that I don't have immediate access to," Tim went on, sounding apologetic. "So there's no record right now but if anyone else were to look at your blood under our microscopes they'd be able to see that it's..." he paused just long enough for Steve to finish his sentence. 

"Enhanced."

Tim shifted a little and cleared his throat again. “I really like you, Steve,” he said abruptly. “And I want to help you. But if I let you get into that machine, knowing what I know—” he shook his head. “Unfortunately, your life wouldn’t be the only one at risk.” When Steve found he had no answer to that, Tim continued. “There’s a precedent in the scientific community—it’s not one that we ever talk about—especially when it comes to…well…the stuff we’ve been working on here for the last few years. When testing on animals isn’t an option.”

“A precedent?”

“Where it’s considered unethical to expose research subjects to a machine or device or treatment that you haven’t tested on yourself.” He coughed. “That’s how Dr. Clarence was killed in the first place.”

Tim’s shifting and fidgeting made much more sense when Steve finally realized what he was saying—what he was trying so hard _not _to say. “But you didn’t run a test on yourself,” he guessed quietly. “Did you?” Tim shook his head, prompting Steve to clarify. “Because of what happened to…”

The other man nodded, his jaw clenched tight. “There’s already going to be an investigation and they’re going to stop the trials once Darcy doesn’t come back,” he reminded. “I’m going to have to surrender all of my notes, all of Janet’s research, and everything about Darcy to my superiors. And if one my subjects dies, Steve,” he went on gravely, “I’ll be investigated too. Thoroughly. And eventually someone will find out why I didn’t test the machine on myself,” he took a deep breath. “And then a lot more than just my career will be over.”

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. He could have told him that he’d been mistaken. That what he’d seen in his blood—whatever it was that made him stand out—it was synthetic. Not the X-gene. That there was likely no real risk to his health or safety. But he turned over what Tim had just said about the inevitable investigation and something occurred to him that hadn’t before. Having one subject fail to return would be enough to keep the program from progressing for at least another five years—according to what Janet had warned them before they’d left Oakland. Having two disappear would mean it would be shut down forever. Likely expunged from any record like it had never existed.

All of Janet’s hard work would have been for nothing.

“I’m sorry Steve,” Tim interrupted his thoughts. “I wish I could—”

“It’s okay,” he said firmly. “I understand.”

“If there’s another way I can help you—”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. You’ve done enough.” They stayed looking at one another for a long, pensive moment, before Steve cleared his throat. “Will you do me a favor, though?” he asked, dropping his arms with a quick glance toward the window of the motel room. He made himself ask before he could change his mind. “Don’t tell Darcy I’m not going.”

Tim looked surprised. “What?”

“I know her,” he said. “She’ll do something stupid like say she doesn’t want to go, and I know she does, and she _should, _so…” he shook his head. “Just let me go through the motions until she does what she’s supposed to do so she doesn’t think anything’s wrong.” Tim didn’t look like he wanted to agree. Steve didn’t blame him. “Please?”

He didn’t want to have to ask…but he knew that if he told Darcy this wasn’t the solution they’d both been waiting for, that she’d insist they’d wait for something else together. And if Steve was being honest with himself, he was tired of doing that.

Tired of waiting for some miracle that would safely guarantee him a way back to the right time. Tired of pretending that anything other than Natasha showing up with two functioning GPS watches and a fresh batch of Pym Particles was going to work. Tired of the feeling like he’d been holding his breath since she’d first disappeared at Camp Lehigh. He could manage here, he told himself. He liked his job—he liked the people he’d met. He could still stand a chance of getting Bucky back. And at the very least, he would know that Darcy was home, where she wanted to be, like he’d promised.

That could be enough.

“If you’re sure…” Tim said slowly. “But I think she’d want to know.”

“I’m sure,” he nodded before he could talk himself out of it. He looked down at his watch. “I’ll see you at noon, right?”

Tim blinked. “Right,” he nodded. “Yeah. Noon.”

They shook hands and Steve pulled open the door to slip back inside his room. Darcy was sitting up in bed, squinting at him through one open eye. Her lips were downturned, and her nose wrinkled in confusion. Her hair was a mess that she only made worse when she ran through it with clumsy, uncooperative fingers. “Hey,” she said groggily.

Steve was unable to help his smile. “Hey.”

“Everything okay?” she asked, not bothering to cover her mouth around a huge yawn. “I woke up and you were gone,” she added before she gave him a sleepy smile. “Thought you finally ditched me.”

He ignored the way her words twisted his heart and forced another smile. “If only it were that easy.”

***

The stack of paperwork she still had to fill out was, frankly, overwhelming. Darcy felt her eyes double in size as she was handed the stack, snapped tightly into a clipboard. “You’ll have plenty of time to fill that out after they’ve taken you back,” the lab assistant said kindly.

Darcy frowned and glanced over her shoulder to the waiting area where she’d been sitting off and on with Steve for the last few hours. They’d been taken back individually for more medical pokes and prods. More tests. More headaches. Other participants had been filtering in and out all afternoon as well. From what she could tell, they hadn’t actually started running any trials yet. But she’d been told that they would be taken back in small groups and then moved to a different area of the facility when they were finished.

Only, she had to remind herself, she didn’t need to worry about that part. Because she wasn’t supposed to come back. She was supposed to detach the sensors and pieces of the device that would transport her back to 1973 as soon as she appeared in 2013. And then, according to Janet, she was supposed to put as much distance between herself and where she’d ended up as possible.

Janet had told her she’d be in the same place—that she wasn’t going to be traveling any physical distances while she moved through time. But the problem was that there was no way to tell what she might be dropping into. It was a big part of the anxiety chomping its way through her stomach. A hugely risky and dangerous part of a plan that was already risky and dangerous to begin with.

“Is that going to be soon, do you know?” she asked the lab assistant as she accepted the pen she was offered. She wasn’t in a hurry, though she wondered if she should be. They’d arrived at noon, and according to the clock in the hallway, it was well past six.

The young man looked down at his own paperwork. “Yes…” he said slowly. “Miss Barrett, right? You’re Group C…it’s next to go back. Just a few minutes.” She nodded, still anxious, while he continued. “You, Mr. Li, and Miss Rabinski.”

Her frown returned. “And Grant,” she added quickly, aware of the way Steve’s head shot up across the room at the sound of his name. “Steven Grant should be in that group too.”

The lab assistant shook his head and looked at the list. “He must be assigned to a different group.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, resenting the way her pulse spiked.

Steve had gotten up and jogged across the room. He put a hand on her shoulder and tugged her away from the other man. “It’s okay, Darce,” he said quietly. “It’s not a big deal.”

_But it _is _a big deal,_ she wanted to say, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. It wasn’t like they were going to the same place, after all. All being in different groups meant was that they’d say goodbye a little earlier than she’d expected. She shook her head. “I just…I guess I just figured we’d be going at the same time.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Me too. But,” he shrugged. “We should probably trust that Tim knows what he’s doing.”

She felt herself mirroring his nod and willing her heart to steady. But it was no use. This felt wrong. Not just risky or dangerous or experimental. It felt _wrong._ If she were really going home, she told herself, trying to calm down, shouldn’t she be excited? Shouldn’t she have been fantasizing about hugging her parents and sister again? Having her cellphone back? Wearing yoga pants every day she possibly could?

But she wasn’t excited. She felt like she was waiting for an execution, not deliverance from this bizarre trip she’d been dragged on. The door opened and she felt her heart leap into her throat as Tim’s voice called out, “Group C can come on back.”

Two others in the room stood and gathered their clipboards, but Darcy felt stuck in place. She turned and caught Tim’s eye. There was a strange look on his face. Sympathetic? She wondered. Apologetic? Why was he looking at her like that? He gave her a brief smile. “I’ll give you another minute,” he said quickly and closed the door again, leaving them alone in the waiting room.

Darcy dropped her clipboard and threw her arms around Steve, pulling him down for a tight hug. She felt him let out a weak laugh as he tightened his grip around her. “It’s okay,” he said into her hair. “You’re going to be okay.”

“I know,” she lied, willing her eyes to stay dry. “I’ll be fine.”

“And I’ll see you soon,” he said, not letting go.

“Sooner for you than for me,” she reminded, losing the battle to remain unemotional. Her vision swam and she pressed her face into his shirt, drawing in a deep breath of the smell of his clothes. His soap. His skin. _Just tell him,_ a little voice whispered. _You might as well. _

“You’ll have plenty to do,” Steve said quietly before he released her and let his hands rest on her shoulders. His lips twitched into a sad, half-smile. “You’ll be so busy you won’t even have time to miss me.”

She sniffled and nodded, forcing a smile despite her welling eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’ve gotta finish my masters and go to law school,” she said, telling herself more than him. These things she’d wanted to do a long time ago. This person she’d wanted to be. She’d be going back to her—whoever she was. “I’ll be like, a full-grown adult by the time you catch up.”

Steve nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “Don’t be too grown-up,” he said. “I won’t recognize you.”

“Don’t worry,” she promised, bringing her hands up to hold onto his forearms before she looked up. “And don’t think this means you’re getting rid of me,” she added. _Make him laugh,_ that little voice commanded her. _If you can’t tell him the truth, at least make him laugh. _“I’m going to set an alarm and be waiting for you—and pick right back up being a pain in your ass.”

To her relief, he did laugh, but he also let her go and she had to forced her arms to stay at her sides and not reach for him again. “Whatever you say, Darce.” The door opened and this time it was the lab assistant who appeared, looking expectant. Steve bent and picked up her clipboard. “You’ve gotta go,” he reminded softly as he handed it back.

She nodded. “I know,” she took it from him and pointed a finger towards his face, not caring that her eyes had filled with tears again. “But I’ll be seeing you.”

“Darcy,” Steve stopped her just before she reached the door. He rubbed at the back of his neck when she turned around and cleared his throat. “I um—” he coughed a second time. “I know I’m probably not the best company but…do me a favor and find me. Y’know. When you get back.” There was something too painful about how he tried to smile at her.

She frowned and shook her head. “But that—that guy I’d find…he’s not you,” she said needlessly, not caring how they must be confusing the lab assistant sent to retrieve her. She couldn’t ignore the rising panic in her throat at war with the sinking dread in her stomach. Why would he say that?

“I know,” he nodded. “But he would have done a lot of things differently, I think,” he shrugged. “If he’d met you earlier.”

There was a hand at her elbow. “You really need to come back now,” the assistant said, not unkindly.

Before she could say anything else, Steve raised a hand goodbye and Darcy felt herself being pulled away from him gently, her feet dragging on the carpet, before the door closed behind them. Her head was spinning as she was led down the hall to the same small exam room where she’d had her blood drawn the day before.

“Are you okay?” her companion asked, looking genuinely concerned as he stood with his hand on the doorknob. “You can have a glass of water if you need.”

“No,” she shook her head. There was a roaring in her ears now. It was difficult to understand what he was offering her. “No, thank you, I’m fine.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Dr. Struthers likes to talk to everyone individually before the trial, so just take your time with your paperwork. He’ll be in for your final eval in a little bit.”

She sat on the table and forced herself to look down at the stack of forms in her hand. She took a deep breath and squinted at the words, trying to focus, trying to make them make sense. She placed a hand on her knee, forcing her leg to stop bouncing.

_You’re going home_, she told herself. _You’re going home. Everything’s going to be normal again._

Home. She closed her eyes and tried to picture it to calm herself down, but her mind went blank. Home was…she frowned and refocused while her memory felt like it was flipping through a rolodex, looking for an image to conjure. Her parents’ house? She tried to picture the house she’d grown up in. Two story. Brick. Green shutters. Gardens full of flowers.

She felt her lips dip into a deeper frown. That wasn’t _home_, she shook her head. That was her parents’ house. It would be wonderful to be back there. She’d feel safe and welcomed and loved…but it wasn’t home.

Her apartment at Culver? Jane’s mother’s apartment in London? Darcy shook her head again. Not even close. An inconvenient memory of Steve burning scrambled eggs invaded her thoughts. It was followed by another of the feeling of Tangie’s hair hitting her cheek when she’d lean her head on Darcy’s shoulder. June passing mashed sweet potatoes around a table at Thanksgiving. The smell of spring rain blowing through open windows.

She gave up with a sigh and stared at the first page again. The end of her pen tapped against the metal gripper bar at the top of the clipboard.

Why would Steve say that? Why would he tell her to go find him in 2013? He wouldn’t listen to her then…he wouldn’t believe anything she’d have to say. He wouldn’t have any reason to. And why would she want that version when he wouldn’t turn into _her _Steve for another decade?

Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she thought back to the look on his face when he’d said it. Again, her stomach twisted, sending her another signal that this felt _wrong_. Darcy swallowed hard and set her pen down. She placed the clipboard on the table and opened the door. The hallway was empty—no one stopped her as she made her way back down the way she’d come. _Just tell me why you said that,_ she’d ask him when she found him in the waiting room. _Why would you want me to do that? _

She turned the handle of the door to the waiting room and pushed it open. The breath she’d drawn to make this demand stuck in her throat at the sight of the empty chair where Steve had been sitting only a few minutes ago. “Hey,” she barked, harsher than she intended, at a young woman with long, stringy blonde hair. She pointed to the chair. “Was there a guy in here when you came in?” she said when her target looked up.

“Uh…yeah, but he was just leaving.”

“Where did he go?”

The other woman shrugged. “He left.”

“Left?” she repeated.

Her question was met with a nod. “He went that way,” she pointed to the other door. The one that led upstairs and outside to the parking lot.

“Did he say why?”

“No,” she shook her head and shrugged. “Sorry?”

With a heart now pounding loudly in her ears, Darcy turned around and ran straight into Tim.

“Darcy,” he smiled, looking nervous. “I was just looking for you. Malcom said you seemed upset.”

She wasn’t paying attention to Tim as he led her back down the hall to where she’d left everything a moment ago. “He’s not going back, is he?” she asked, stopping before they reached the next door.

“Of course he is,” Tim said immediately. “He’s just in another—”

“_Tim.”_

He looked like he wanted to keep lying to her. He opened his mouth and closed it again before a pained expression came over his face. “He…_wanted _to,” he said finally, and Darcy felt her heart drop. “It wasn’t his decision. I—I asked him not to—” She could have asked why, what happened, what changed, _when _did it change, but the why didn’t matter. Steve was staying here—he wouldn’t be there for her to wait for in ten years. If she didn’t change her plans, she really wasn’t ever going to see him again. “Listen,” Tim continued, “I _told_ him he should tell you but he—”

“He didn’t think I’d go without him,” she finished numbly.

“He wanted you to go back to your normal life,” Tim said, his lips set in a grim line. “He said that’s what you wanted; he didn’t want to stop you.”

Darcy closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. She covered her face and willed back the tears of frustration that had filled her eyes again. She took a deep breath in and stood up straight before she dropped her hands. “Thank you, Tim,” she said with a nod and swiped below her eyes. Without warning, she folded her arms around his gangly frame and hugged him. “Thank you for everything you tried to do. I’m so, _so _grateful,” she said, hoping he knew she really meant it before she pulled away. “And thank you for making this decision so much easier.”

“Darcy,” his eyebrows dipped together in concern. “I don’t think you’re going to get another chance like this—”

“I know,” she nodded and took his hands in hers. “Don’t worry about me.” She felt a strange and sudden weight lifted from her chest. Like she could breathe again. “I’ll be fine.”

He smiled—a real smile this time and squeezed her hands. “Are you going to be able to get home okay?”

She felt herself mirror his smile. “Assuming my ride didn’t leave without me.”

Tim’s eyes flicked to the door behind her. “Better run.”

Sunset was just beginning to stretch by the time she reached the motel. Less than a mile, at as fast a pace as she could manage in her flimsy sandals, had Darcy standing outside of Room 10 in a little under half an hour. To her relief, the Buick was still in the parking lot and she could see the light on inside the room. She pushed back her hair from her sweaty forehead and leaned against the doorframe for a moment to catch her breath.

_Be brave, Darcy,_ she told herself as she straightened up and knocked on the door before she could stop herself to overthink what she was going to say.

Steve pulled open the door and Darcy watched a whole flurry of emotions paint themselves across his face. Shock, relief, confusion, guilt. “Darcy…”

“Hi,” she said as all the breath left her lungs again.

“What…what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be—”

“I’m not going,” she cut him off.

She watched in amazement as he clenched his jaw in frustration. “You—you _have _to go back, Darcy. You can’t just—”

“I _can_ just,” she interrupted him again, her stomach bubbling with frustration of her own. He was seriously expecting to try to talk her into going back, she realized in disbelief. Her nervousness dissolved into determination. Frustration. Defiance. “I have to say something and I’m not going anywhere until I say it.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh and raked a hand down his face. “What?” he asked. “What could possibly be so important that you—”

Neither of them expected her to slap him. She barely realized she had until the sound of her open palm connecting with his face derailed the rest of his sentence. They stared at each other in shock in the silence that followed. Steve blinked as Darcy put the hand that had just hit him over her mouth. “Oh, jeez,” she said into her palm. “Sorry, I—” she dropped her hand as realized what she’d just said. “No, wait,” she frowned and stood up straight again. “I’m not sorry. You deserved that.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Ex_cuse _me?”

“You lied to me.”

He sighed again and closed his eyes. “Darcy—”

“No,” she snapped and pointed a finger in his face. “Fuck you. You lied to me.” Now that the relief of not having missed him had passed, there was plenty of room for all the hurt and anger he’d sent surging through her veins the second she realized what he’d done. “You _tricked _me. You made me think we were going back _together. _That—that I was going to see you again—”

“I thought we _were_,” he said, dropping his arms to his sides. “I _swear_. I didn’t come here thinking that I wasn’t—”

“You should have told me!” she cried. “What if I hadn’t figured it out? What if I didn’t know what a shitty liar you are, and I’d gone back anyway? You were just going to let me go?” she demanded, resisting the urge to poke him in the chest. “Let me think—let me wait for you for _ten years_?”

“You wouldn’t have, Darcy,” he shook his head. “You would have—”

“I would have what? Forgotten about you?” she gaped at him. “How could I? You think I was just going to forget about all this—about… I was just going to move on and go back to my normal life?”

“Yes!” he threw up his hands in frustration. “That’s what you would have done! That’s what you were supposed to do! You would have been safe and back where you were supposed to be—you’d have your family and your friends back and you wouldn’t—”

“I wouldn’t?” she repeated with a joyless, choked laugh. “I wouldn’t miss you? I wouldn’t want to wait to see you again so you could be a part of that? How can you say that? After everything—”

“Do you think I expected you to put your life on hold and wait for me to catch up?”

“I don’t give a fuck about what you expected,” she exclaimed. “I was going to do it anyway!”

“And you would have been okay with that?” he scoffed. “Really? That’s what you wanted? To wait around for _ten years?_”

“What about what you want?” she fired back. “This is really what you want? You want me to go back and leave you here? Alone? You want to _never _see me again?”

“Of course not. But what I want doesn’t—” Steve’s shoulders dropped, and the fire faded from his voice. “This is the only way I can keep my promise.”

“What promise?” she took a step back and felt her face fold in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I promised you, Darcy,” he said quietly. “The first week I knew you—I promised that you were going to go home. You should never have been stuck here in the first place— You shouldn’t have lost all this time with your family and your friends. And I’ve been trying—I’ve been trying for three years to fix it for you. But everything I do to try to fix or change _anything _since we’ve been here has…Just.” His voice cracked and the frustration he’d been biting back was replaced with desperation. The sound of it twisted her heart. “Please,” he said softly. “Please let me keep this promise. Let me do that much, at least.”

“You’re not listening to me, you big, dumb, idiot,” she said, wanting to reach out and grab his face and force him to understand her. “I want that too. I want you to keep your promise,” she insisted. “I want to go home.”

“Then why are you—?”

“_With_ you,” she added firmly as her heart began to pound again. The words she’d been choking back for months were right there now, balanced on the tip of her tongue, no longer willing to be swallowed down for another day. “I want to go home with you. To our ugly, wood-paneled apartment with the leaky windows, in our stolen car that we really need to legitimize at some point, and listen to records and be with our friends and—and I’m _happy_ here, Steve,” she insisted, realizing as she said it how true it was. “I’m happy with _you._ I don’t care what year it is or where we end up. I’m happy here and now with you and I don’t want to go somewhere you aren’t and try to be happy without you.”

He still didn’t look convinced. “_Please_ think about what you’re saying.”

“I _have _thought about it,” she said firmly. “Steve, listen to me,” she huffed out a breath and steadied herself. “I waited my whole life for something amazing to happen and to _know_ what I’m supposed to do or who I’m supposed to be with and if I go back—” she felt her voice catch in her throat. “If I go back, then no matter how comfortable and familiar everything is…I’m always going to know that I _had _that thing that I waited so long for, and I still left you here and let you let me go.” She laughed, helplessly and dropped her shoulders. “I don’t _want _you to let me go,” she said. “And I don’t think you want to let me go either.”

“Darcy—”

“Tell me I’m wrong, then,” she cut him off, grasping at straws in her desperation. “Tell me you don’t want me—that you don’t love me—and I’ll go back. I’ll tell Tim I changed my mind and be on the next train to 2013. But you have to say it.” With her heart hammering somewhere high in her throat and her blood rushing in her ears, Darcy waited. She watched his lips part, his eyes locked with hers. “Tell me,” she forced herself to challenge him again. “Tell me you want me to go. Tell me you don’t love me.”

It felt like a million years that she waited for his answer. She tried counting seconds or beats of her heart, but she couldn’t focus. Her attention could only stay of Steve and try to guess what he was thinking.

It wasn’t until she’d nearly had enough—when the tension was threatening to choke her—that his shoulders fell as his eyes closed and he shook his head. “Goddammit, Darcy,” he breathed before he took a step closer to cancel the space between them. His hand slid into her hair and before she could process the sudden reality of having him so close, he dropped his head and crashed his lips to hers. Before he could move away, Darcy surged up onto her toes to wrap her arms around his neck and keep him locked against her. But Steve didn’t feel like he wanted to move away. His other hand had dropped to her hip and slid to the small of her back, pressing her hard against him.

His lips moved against hers with an urgency that made her stomach swoop and made her grateful he was holding her so tightly. She wasn’t sure how much longer her knees would have kept her on her feet. It wasn’t until she felt him pulling her closer that she realized he was moving backward, dragging her into the hotel room with him. It took the door closing behind them and her back hitting it roughly for her brain to finally catch up and process what was happening.

This was _Steve _she had tangled in her arms. Steve, kissing her hard and fervently, curling his fingers into her hair like he was afraid she’d pull away. Steve who had her backed against the door, filling her senses with the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips and tongue against hers, the brush of his beard against her chin.

This was nothing like how she’d fantasized—her subconscious had no way of knowing how perfectly they would fit together. How good this would feel. How his mouth on hers, his body pressing her against the door, could somehow feel like he was at once quenching her thirst and still igniting her hunger for more.

Despite his grip and the frantic nature of his kisses, he let her go the second she pulled back, breathless and wide-eyed. She kept her hands at the back of his neck, keeping his forehead pinned against hers while she caught her breath. “Steve…” she breathed, unable to look away from him in the dim light of the hotel room. His lips pink and swollen from her kisses. His eyes locked with hers—darker than she’d ever seen them.

His fingers left her hair, his hand slid down to cup her face. “I don’t want you to go,” he said in a hushed whisper before his thumb brushed over her lips, sending a rush of heat straight to her belly. “But if you stay here—” His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. “Then this is it. This is…all there is.”

She curled her fingers into his hair. She knew what he was saying—that there was no other plan after this. That barring a miracle, there was nothing left to chase after. No more hope to get back. And he was still giving her the chance to take it. To leave him behind to chase after this ridiculous, dangerous, desperate chance at maybe grasping everything she used to have.

And as much as it hurt to give that up—to let go of the hope that they might both get to go home someday—the thought of going back alone hurt more. To have to live the rest of her life without Steve—_this _Steve, _her _Steve, the Steve _here_ under her hands—was unimaginable.

“This is all there is?” she repeated, willing her breath not to catch in her throat. “This?” she asked, with a glance at his lips before her eyes met his again. “You and me?”

“You and me,” he echoed and swallowed again. “That’s…all there is if you stay.”

“Do you promise?”

He brushed her cheek again and pulled back just far enough that she could see him nod. “I promise,” he said.

Darcy rose up on her toes again to meet him with another kiss. Slower, this time, softer, holding his face gently in her hands. Wanting to leave no doubt that she wanted whatever had just shifted between them, that she wanted to cross this line just as much as he did. That she’d meant what she’d said. That this was enough for her. “Then don’t let me go,” she breathed against his lips. “Please.”

Steve’s hands slid from her face down her shoulders and trailed over her waist to anchor at her hips. In one swift movement, he grabbed hold of her and hoisted her up, pinning her hard against the door. Her legs wrapped instinctively around his waist; her arms wound around his neck again as his lips returned to hers with a soft moan she felt from his chest. She hooked her ankles at the small of his back and let him push her head to the side to kiss over to her ear where he clutched her lobe gently between his teeth, pulling a whimper from her lips when he flicked it with his tongue before continuing his trail of kisses down her throat.

She squealed and tightened her legs around him when he moved them away from the door, backing up until his knees hit the bed and he dropped down to sit with her on his lap, her knees pinned on either side of his hips. There was no mistaking how badly he wanted this in this position and feeling him pressing hard and insistent between her legs made Darcy smother another moan between her lips before she brought his mouth back to hers and slipped her tongue against his.

His hands spanned her back and roamed down to her hips to slip beneath her t-shirt. She waited for him to push it up and over her head, but he didn’t. He moved up her back again, but only ran his fingertips up and down her spine, pausing where her skin dipped at her tailbone, sending goosebumps over her arms and setting her slowly on fire with each soft, teasing touch. When she pulled away for another breath, Steve’s eyes were still closed, his long, dark lashes fanned over the tops of his cheeks in a way that would have been unfair if she couldn’t press her lips over them in a rain of feather light kisses. She held his face again and forced it up to hers. “What is it?” she asked, afraid to raise her voice any louder than just above a whisper. Afraid she might break the spell. “What’s wrong?”

Steve’s lips moved upward in a quick smile and he shook his head, his nose brushed against hers. “Nothing,” he said, lacing his hands at the small of her back, making her feel petite and delicate, caged between his arms. “Nothing’s wrong,” he promised. “Just…” he opened his eyes and locked them with hers again. “Please tell me you’re sure about this,” he said. “Because I can’t—if there’s a chance you might regret this—”

Darcy swallowed a sudden hot rush of emotion that rose in her throat. “I’m sure, Steve,” she said, dropping her forehead against his and threading her hands into his hair again. “I’m not going anywhere. We’re staying together.” She dropped her lips to his again and pressed herself harder against him.

Steve’s hand slipped under her shirt again and this time she pulled away long enough to raise her arms in invitation. He didn’t hesitate to slide the material up and over her head. He tossed it to the floor behind her and pushed back the hair that had fallen into her face. Greedily, her fingers moved to the buttons of his shirt and started to undo them. She pulled the fabric from where he’d tucked it into his jeans and finished unbuttoning, pushing both sides down his arms, dismayed to find a white t-shirt beneath it. “Why are you wearing so many clothes?” she asked with a breathless laugh.

He laughed as he shrugged out of his button-down and impatiently pulled the offending t-shirt over his head. Darcy reached out and interlaced her fingers with his, pulling his hands to the side before he could take hold of her again. She sat back on her heels and bit her lip, letting her eyes run shamelessly over the planes and contours of his chest and stomach. When she looked up again, his cheeks were pink. “What?” he asked with a smile that bordered on shy. “You’ve seen me without a shirt before.”

“I know,” she said and dropped his hand to run her nails up his forearms and over his sculpted biceps and shoulders. “But I couldn’t touch you then,” she reminded. “I was only looking.”

Steve took hold of her hands and pinned them lightly behind her back. “That must have been torture,” he murmured, dropping his lips to her neck. Darcy giggled as his beard tickled her throat. “To be so close to something you wanted,” he kissed her again, closer to her collarbone. “And not be able to touch.”

She wriggled against him with another laugh. “You have no idea.”

He pulled back to give her a smirk before he gripped her tighter and flipped them so her back hit the bed with a loud squeal of mattress springs. “I have some idea,” he assured her. When he bent his head to kiss her again, his lips met hers for only a quick kiss before he wandered down her neck and collarbones again. He slid the straps of her bra down her arms one at a time and pulled back, surprised, when she reached between them and popped the front clasp. “Wouldn’t have guessed that’s where that was,” he admitted with a soft laugh as she wriggled against the bedspread to fling the bra away.

Darcy grinned. “Incredibly convenient,” she breathed as Steve gently pushed her back down. She forgot to feel self-conscious about the stretch marks on the sides of her breasts and the softness of her belly and hips when Steve propped himself up on one hand to look at her while the other trailed the lightest of touches over every new inch of exposed skin. A shiver ran up her spine and her nipples hardened beneath his fingers when he ghosted a touch over one and then the other.

A lock of his hair fell into his eyes and she reached up to push it back and let her hand rest on his face, her thumb stroking over his cheek. His smile softened before he turned his head to kiss the inside of her wrist. “What is it?”

Darcy bit her lip. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”

The tops of his cheeks turned pink again and Darcy felt almost lightheaded with affection. “No,” he said softly before he leaned down to brush his lips to hers. “But you’re stealin’ my lines, y’know.”

She giggled as Steve took advantage of how she’d lifted herself half off the bed and turned his attention to her breasts, kissing his way down her chest to suck one nipple into his mouth while he rolled the other between his fingers. The slight graze of his teeth made her gasp and press herself harder into his mouth and hands and she felt him smile before he repeated himself on the other side.

His hands wandered first, followed closely by his lips in a soft path of teasing touches and kisses down her waist to the buttons of her jeans. He lifted his eyes to hers, seeking a nod of approval before he started to unbutton them, kissing her belly lower and lower until he pulled away long enough to rid her of her jeans and panties in one swift tug that left her giggling again and totally naked beneath his gaze. “You’re so gorgeous,” he murmured as he knelt above her and ran his fingers lightly over her shins and calves before he smirked. “Not that I didn’t love the slipper socks, too.”

She bit back another grin. “I really should have stolen them,” she teased.

“I’ll buy you another pair for Hanukkah,” he promised, making her laugh again before he plucked her right foot off the bed and lifted it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to her instep and one to her ankle, slowly making his way up her leg with another trail of playful kisses until he’d lowered himself between her legs and she was sure she was going to forget how to breathe unless he put her out of her misery and touched her soon. But if Steve could sense her impatience, he didn’t give in. Instead, he ran his thumb over the birthmark on the inside of her right thigh before he slid her leg over his shoulder, holding her open to him. “I have been thinking about this mark,” he said, glancing up at her with eyes so dark with lust she could barely see the blue anymore, “for months.”

“You have?” she asked around a shaky exhale.

He nodded, his hair in his eyes again, brushing against her skin this time before she reached down and pushed it back. She resisted the urge to sink both her hands into it and drag his face to where she wanted him. “Since you bought those fucking striped shorts.”

Darcy didn’t care that her belly shook when she let out a loud laugh. “I bought those for you,” she admitted as Steve stroked her thigh and pushed her legs farther apart to cradle his broad shoulders. “I wasn’t sure you even noticed.”

“Trust me,” he muttered, leaning over to kiss her left thigh with the same gentleness that he’d used to kiss her lips. “I noticed.” Steve turned his head again and pressed his lips to the dark mark on her pale skin. Her breath hitched in her throat when she felt his tongue flick against her skin before he dragged his teeth against her and gave her the lightest of love bites. Without waiting for further invitation, he wrapped his arms around both thighs and lowered his mouth to her throbbing center.

Her back arched off the bed when she felt his tongue lick a long, slow stripe between her lips before he dipped inside, pulling a drawn out sigh of relief from somewhere deep in the back of her throat. He flattened one large hand over her belly and held her hips down, pressing her legs open wider with his shoulders while he began an impossibly slow, drawn out exploration with his tongue.

She was panting by the time he licked a delicate circle around her clit and squirmed against him, caught between a desperate need for relief and a desire to make this last as long as possible.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she gasped unable to stop herself from curling both hands into his hair and holding him against her while he flattened his tongue and lapped at her greedily. He circled her clit hard again before he flicked it once more and Darcy whimpered, her lip caught between her teeth, so close she could taste it. Steve released his grip on her left thigh and plunged two fingers deep inside of her as he sucked her clit between his lips and Darcy’s vision went white as her orgasm snapped up her spine and sent sparks to the tips of her fingers and toes.

He pulled back, keeping his fingers moving slowly inside of her as her quaking subsided before he released her other thigh and swiped his other hand over his mouth and beard. He slipped his fingers from within her and kissed his way back up her belly. She waited, still breathless and tingling with pleasure, until he was close enough that she could take hold of his face and kiss him again, reveling in the taste of herself on his tongue.

“Do I get to return the favor?” she asked between brief, teasing kisses as he fumbled with the buckle of his belt and the clasp of his jeans.

“Later,” he promised. “I just want more of you.”

If her brain had been working, she might have reminded him that her lips and tongue around him would have fit the bill for _more_ _of her_; but Steve had detangled himself from her long enough to rid himself of the last of his clothing and Darcy’s brain short-circuited with the need to feel that gorgeous, hard cock inside of her. He caught her eye and smirked again. “If I’d known it was this easy to render you speechless, I would’ve started walking around naked three years ago.”

Darcy let out a choked laugh and shook her head, sitting up to reach for him when he joined her back on the bed. “And how do I render _you _speechless, exactly?” she asked before she raised her eyebrows. “Smart ass?”

“I don’t know,” Steve murmured, dropping his lips to her neck again. “Let’s find out.”

Darcy bit her lip again and nodded. “I like that plan.”

His arms circled around her and he kissed her lips again gently, slowly, as he laid her back down. “Darcy, are you sure about this?” he asked, pulling back to meet her eyes. “We don’t have to—I mean, I don’t have any—”

“It’s fine,” she breathed, willing herself not to be impatient. She’d taken her birth control that morning out of habit. She’d take it again tomorrow. She’d go back to the clinic when they got home. “I trust you,” she reminded gently, swiping her thumb over his cheek. “And I love you. And I really, _really_ want you.”

Steve blinked and pulled back from the kiss he’d been about to drop on her lips. “Say that again,” he said softly.

Darcy swallowed and took his face in both her hands again. “I love you, Steve,” she said firmly, hoping he would kiss her again before she had to do something about the lump that had risen without warning in her throat. “I’ve loved you for so long,” she added. “Longer than I wanted to admit.”

“I love you too,” he whispered against her mouth.

She smiled into his kiss as she shifted beneath him to feel him pressing against her. “Then please?” she asked; their lips met again. “Don’t make me wait anymore.”

It was all he needed to shift his hips and sink into her slowly, inch by inch with a deep moan until their hips were flush and he was fully inside of her. He pulled out just as gradually, a deliciously slow pace while he pressed her thighs open wider and pushed her legs over his shoulders again. When he thrust all the way in the second time, he went deeper than before, making her head fall back with another satisfied groan.

“God, you feel so good,” he sighed as he found a rhythm that had her body thrumming with pleasure, her nails digging into his back with each thrust.

“So do you,” she said, unable to argue when Steve took hold of her wrists and leaned harder and deeper into her, pinning her hands gently above her head. She was losing her breath again, feeling like she might be nearing the verge of another orgasm. “Faster?”

But Steve shook his head and moved so he could hold both her arms above her with one hand. The other he snaked between them, making her cry out when his fingers found her clit again and began to circle slowly in time with his thrusts. “Is that what you want?” he asked in hushed whisper against her lips. “You want to come again?”

She nodded quickly and dropped her eyes to where she could see his fingers moving against her. The planes of his stomach contracting with each move he made inside of her. She opened her mouth greedily when he kissed her and stroked his tongue over hers. “Steve,” she gasped against him when he started to move his hand faster and she felt her release coiling inside of her again. The second time wasn’t a spark like before, it was a slow wave that rolled through her whole body, pulling a whole aria of moans so loud they sounded that Darcy couldn’t quite believe they were coming from her.

Finally, when she was hoarse and tingling and giddy with pleasure, Steve sped up his thrusts. He took hold of both her hands again and laced their fingers together, pinning her down to obey her hushed insistence of _harder…faster…more_ until his rhythm faltered and he cried out. He slowed his movements until he released her hands and collapsed on top of her, his face buried in her neck.

The sound of their hushed breathing was the only sound for a few long minutes while Darcy tried to catch her breath. Steve pushed himself up after a moment and looked down at her. His cheeks were flushed, his lips swollen. He kissed her softly before he pulled away, searching her face, her eyes, for something. “Are you okay?”

Breathless, she laughed and nodded. “Understatement,” she assured him. “We should’ve done that years ago.”

She missed him the moment he pulled out and rolled to lay on his back beside her. He chuckled, looking almost drunk as he looked over and offered a smile that was half-shy and half-salacious. “Gimme a minute,” he breathed. “We can make up for lost time.”

By the time she returned from the bathroom, he’d pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. She slipped beneath the sheets and let him pull her against him so her head was on his chest and he could circle his arms around her. The reality of the day—of every way her life had changed since she’d set her clipboard down at Tahoe—hit her all at once and Darcy felt any energy she might have had disintegrate. She smiled at the sound of his steady heartbeat beneath her ear. “Can we make up for lost time tomorrow?”

She heard the smile in his voice when he kissed her head after she yawned. “Tomorrow,” he promised. “The next day…the day after that,” he said softly, tracing little lines and circles on the skin of her back. “Go to sleep.”

“Mmm,” she hummed contentedly. “But then the day is over.” She let her fingers splay out across his stomach. “This crazy, scary, beautiful day,” she looked up and smiled. “It’s over. And I don’t want it to be over yet.”

Steve took hold of her chin and captured her lips with his in a soft, sweet kiss. “I know,” he said, another soft promise in his voice. “But tomorrow might be even better.”

Darcy smiled drowsily, her eyes already falling closed. “I think you’re right.”

She was asleep by the time Steve kissed her hair again, whispering that he loved her before he reached over and turned off the light.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. I hope this was worth the wait.
> 
> A note: NaNo is upon us, my loves. I don't know how much of this 'verse will get written while I'm working on that but rest assured I will return to it as soon as I can. And I don't want to spoil anything, but considering the slow burn is FINALLY DONE and their decisions have been made, it's safe to say that future fic forecast is looking fluffy with a strong chance of smut. 
> 
> <3
> 
> Come play with me on tumblr: @idontgettechnology and join me at ishipitpod.com for weekly podcast on fandom and fanfic by yours truly. 
> 
> *kisses*


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